Show me what I’m looking for!

29 Nov 2013

Show me what I’m looking for!

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I’d like to share a recent experience with you. As many of you may know Lynn (my wife) and I were in a motorcycle accident while on the 1000 mile for the Also-me fundraiser. As a result of the accident we were not able to complete the ride and Lynn spent a week in the Roanoke, VA hospital being treated for 5 broken ribs, a broken scapula and some mild road rash. While her injuries were not life threatening, they were and are very painful. The accident was my responsibility. If I had made the turn and controlled the motorcycle she would not have been hurt. While I was fine physically, this event had a significant emotional impact on me.

Lynn and I have faced many obstacles the last 3 ½ years. In addition to coping with the crime my son committed and all of its fall out, there have been significant financial challenges, family issues, illnesses and other situations that have stretched us beyond anything we thought we would ever have to face. All the while we have stayed strong and faithful.

Now I know there are many of you that have no time for faith, God or “religion”. All I want to do is share with you my experience and how I was helped. In addition to my faith, I have also spent many hours with therapists and psychologists to help me cope with the emotional issues from numerous events in my life such as: the anger and confusion from my childhood, the failure of my first marriage and the crime of my son. As always, I implore you to seek help, whether it is faith based or not, with whatever you are struggling with. You’re Not Alone!

Lynn had been taken out of the room for some follow up x-rays. For the last few days I had been beating myself up very badly because of the accident and how I was responsible for hurting Lynn. This put me in a place I had not been in for a long time: There were feelings of doubt about my faith.  I felt like I couldn’t take any more stress.  Why was this happening?  I felt extreme guilt for my role in hurting Lynn.  Sitting there alone with my thoughts I decided to ask for some answers. The only book in the room was the Bible. I took it out of the drawer, sat on the pull out bed I had been using and held it between my hands. I closed my eyes, cleared my mind and prayed for God to help me with my doubts about Him. The verse John 3:18 entered my mind. I turned to it and read “Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.” NIV. Well that couldn’t have addressed my doubt any more clearly!

I still needed more help. So, I closed the Bible and my eyes again. Once again holding the Bible between my hands I prayed: What is going on? What do I do with all of this? How do I cope? Psalms 18:18 entered my mind. Turning to it I read “They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.” NIV. I was amazed, such a simple but powerful message on how to deal with the challenges in our lives!

That left just one more question I was wrestling with. What is MY deal? Why do I struggle? What is the biggest problem I must personally over come? Once more I closed the Bible, held it in my hands and prayed for something that would help me understand. The verse 1 Samuel 2:3 came to me. I had no idea what this would say, turning to it I found “Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the Lord is a God who knows and by him deeds are weighed.” NIV

Wow! This hit home. The over confidence in my gifts and abilities has long been a stumbling block I trip over. The thought that I can “control” a situation, “handle it” on my own is still a burden I must lay down.

In my moment of doubt and need I humbled myself and asked for help and received it. My hope is that perhaps this will help some of you. Whatever it is, remember, you can get help through it. Ask for help. You’re Not Alone!