I can’t believe this is my life!

29 Nov 2013

I can’t believe this is my life!

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Do you ever look at what has happened in your life and think “I can’t believe this is my life!”  This isn’t what I had planned.  It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.  As the Holiday season comes upon us these thoughts enter my mind more often.  The holidays can be so difficult.  There is an emphasis on family.  It is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration.  But sometimes I don’t feel like celebrating.  My family has been changed forever and so much has been lost.

There is rarely a day that goes by where one or more of these thoughts don’t enter my mind.  There are many things I could talk about in all areas of my life.  But let’s just consider what has happened the last several years.  My daughter barely acknowledges my existence.  The relationship with my mother has been off and on since I was very young and  today I don’t even know where she is.  I don’t know what to do to mend either of these relationships.

Then there is Alec and what he did.  This is the thing that is the most difficult to understand.  This not only affected my family in such an immense way, but took so much from another family.  It changed the lives of innocent people in unimaginable ways.  When I begin to feel sorry for myself I think about what this other family has lost and realize my pain is nothing compared to what they must endure.  However, this doesn’t stop the feelings I have and the thoughts running through my head.

As Alec’s father, sometimes I simply cannot believe this happened.  I raised him to know from right and wrong, to be respectful, to take responsibility for his actions.  “I can’t believe this is my life!”  It just doesn’t seem like it is real.  How could it be?

Well, it is my life.  No matter how much I may wish it were different – it isn’t.  So, what do I do?

I have an important decision to make.  What is my attitude going to be ?  There are two ways to look at it.  THIS is my life or This is MY life!

Simply saying, “THIS is my life.” for me is giving up on making my life more.  It’s just going through the motions.  Taking the cards I’ve been dealt and simply folding my hand.

But if I say to myself, “This is MY life.” it is taking ownership of my life.  I’m going to make the most of it.  I don’t care what cards I’ve been dealt.  I’m going to play the hand and I’m going for the win!

I am not powerless!  I actually have the power to control the most important things in my life.  They are what I say, think, do and believe.   No one else is able to tell me what to say, think, do and believe.  They are only able to do this if I let them.  My attitude towards life will be determined by what I say, think, do and believe.  Not by what has happened to me or what others have done in my life.

We all have the same decision to make!  Just don’t be too hard on yourself.  It isn’t always easy and we won’t always be able to pick ourselves up right away or by ourselves.  But I know we can all do it!

You’re Not Alone!